why you need to cut your toe nails

My mom came to visit me in Rome this weekend so, naturally, we have a lot to talk about. I’ll go bottom to top. According to my mom, all my problems stem from the fact that I don’t take care of my feet. Wow. I didn’t realize it was that easy. Apparently the new anxiety medication is a nail clipper. Who knew?

21 is a weird age, but not for the reasons you may think

What’s funny about being this age is that everyone is suddenly a mini professional. We’re beginning to dip our toe into the actual world of work, which means, our value is akin to what jobs/internships we have lined up. Don’t worry though, there’s definitely no pressure.

Last night, my friends went out and while recapping the evening this morning, they went “remember TedTalk boys,” referring to a group of boys who, evidently, all have jobs at TedTalk. Kinda funny to think about TedTalkTwats in a bar setting trying to hit on a girl. They’re like “WHY ARE WE ALL HERE? WHAT PURPOSE DO WE SERVE? IS IT ALL WORTH IT? THESE ARE QUESTIONS I OFTEN PONDERED BEFORE LAYING MY EYES ON YOU.” Lol, good luck with that.

This age is funny. Instead of Joe or Jake, it’s now NASAboy or NationalGeographicGuy. All we care about is how someone is getting laid and/or paid. What a time to be alive.

sneaky Subscription

Question: have you ever accidentally subscribed to something? If no, you’re smart. We don’t have that in common. I’ve never been one of those over-achievers who like seek out and read the fine print. ANYWAY. In one of my self-care phases, I purchased this coffee-alternative called MudWater. It’s actually incredibly good; however, one container of it could last you at least four months. So basically, I unknowingly subscribed, and have been getting $40 worth of MudWater every 30 days for the last 6 months. Cool.

I finally canceled my subscription today and then I texted the wrong person the following “finally canceled my MudWater subscription.” I TEXTED THAT TO THE WRONG PERSON. Like now I have to explain not only what MudWater is, not only why I’m canceling the subscription, but also why I used the word “finally.” Great. I should’ve just stuck with coffee.

think of your schlong before you move on

My friend was getting with a guy who beyond having moderately decent qualities, also happened to be a bouncer at a cool bar near us. I’m not saying that that was the reason she was getting with him but I’m also not saying that it didn’t help. But tragedy struck and he recently informed her that he quit his job and is now working at some medicare Italian restaurant. Good luck getting laid with that on your resume.