TODAY, I WILL TAKE YOU ON A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A COLLEGE-STUDENT.
the birds and the giraffes
A couple weekends ago my friend was getting with a guy. As she embarked on her journey down town, she saw something that would change her life forever. Her childhood stuffed animal was being strangled by the balls and shaft of the boy she had met that day. He watched in horror as she used both hands to deliver the giraffe from his crotch. “It’s a boy” she said. Ok, you got me, that last part didn’t happen, what did happen; however, was one of the most awkward moments both parties had yet to experience. Who knew a childhood best friend would be a cock block in its later life.
shawty fire burning on the dance floor
There is no panic much like the one that results from looking down at your phone, mid-party, to see a missed call from 911. Well, that is exactly what happened to me when I realized I had been accidentally sharing my emergency location to not only my local police but my emergency contacts.
This is the text my parents received from me at 11pm Saturday night, “EMERGENCY SOS. (my name) has made an emergency call from this approximate location.” If I didn’t have an emergency before, I definitely had one now.
i know what you did last summer
Yesterday, I met with my old college counselor to discuss life after college. The session was going great until she asked me what I did last summer. Uh, I got my tonsils out, got an IUD, and read a book. Does that look good on Linkedin? No? Dope.
This was dinner for three last night. We were anxious we would “not have enough food” even through we were all “not super hungry.” This is what’s wrong with the world.